I'm Worthless Because Of You
by MrsMargeryLovett
Summary: When Christian's debts become too much, he must send away his ward without education or experience. Where else can she go except for the Moulin Rouge to sell what little potential she had? Language and perhaps a sex warning in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

I didn't care about a lot of things. My mind was always racing far too fast for me to care about most of the worries in the world. For instance, because I thought far too much about when I would next steal away Christian's book again to read, I did not care for the fact that he was my adoptive father. Because I thought about the picture that hung above my bed of Paris, I did not care that he was knocking on my door again, shouting at me.

"Look, I just want you to come and eat," he said through the door, his tone irate. I smiled to myself. It wasn't that I liked to annoy him, I just did, and I was past the point where I could do anything.

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't been hungry for days!"

"Then if it pleases you I'll eat something later."

"You'll come down now," he demanded, giving the door a last thump. "We haven't eaten together in weeks and it's high time you started to learn some manners and sit with me."

I laughed, twirling a strand of hair around my finger. I put it to my lips, thinking. My fun had been spent, and I nodded to the thin air before me.

"Fine, give me a few minutes."

A relieved sigh came from the other side of the door, and I laughed again. Christian could be so funny at times. I felt a stab of guilt, knowing I was teasing him for no good reason. Perhaps it was why I agreed to eat with him. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was just that, as I have already said, my mind always raced far too fast for me, and most of the time I forgot that I was being rude.

I glanced only briefly at the mirror in my room- I wasn't one for caring how I looked- and left the bedroom. It was the only bedroom in the small apartment, which Christian was kind enough to give me when he found me. Not that I expect he had much use for a bedroom. He often preferred the balcony- do not ask me why, he must have enjoyed the view.

We ate quietly, although we shared a knowledgeable glance and smile when we thought it appropriate. It was a humid day, and so Christian had freed himself from his thick tweed jacket and unbuttoned his shirt, allowing me to see the fine muscle of his chest. Do not think that I fancied him as anything but my friend and saviour, for I did not. But as I looked at him, I did wonder why I did not have an adoptive mother. He was such a handsome man, one that often women would flock for.

I knew well enough that he had once been loved. As I have said, I had stolen his book, and despite the fact that Christian was a brilliant writer, I could not be fooled. The foolish writer was him, although he did not once affirm that he spoke of his own troubles in life. Satine was the woman who had loved him, and who he had loved.

The book had been one I enjoyed, and allowed me more than enough information to satisfy my curiosities about Christian. He was not an open man, and damn it, I was not one to ask about such things.

Yet, foolishly, I decided it time to ask why women did not flock about him.

What happened next was strange. Christian had often been in a temper with me, and I could not blame him for such. But now, he stared at me with no anger or ill-temperament, but instead with ghosts in his eyes.

We stared at each other for a moment, unable to speak. I could see that he wished to speak, but as I have said, he could not, whether it was because he was welled with anger, or because there were no words to be said.

At last, breaking the silence, Christian threw his fork to his plate. The sound echoed across the room, and he stood abruptly, walking to the balcony. He did not speak for some time after the sound had died away, and instead clutched the wall about the balcony, staring out across Paris.

"Men aren't what you believe they are," he said finally, but quietly. "Not all of them. We do not all enjoy women at our feet. We do not all go to the Moulin Rouge, pretending the can-can dancers about us love us."

"I didn't mean that," I told him.

"It's true enough, though. We don't all need to be loved."

"I love you," I said boldly. Christian laughed, amused.

"And I love you. But you love me as your father, don't you?"

"My friend."

"Your friend. But I still love you as my daughter. That's plenty enough affection, I should think."

I blinked twice, slight dazed at the conversation. Only a small while ago, I had been entertained enough by his misfortune. Now, however, it seemed that he was intent on destroying that satisfaction. I lay my fork down quietly, and without another word, returned to my room.

More often than not I would always end up retiring to my room in this fashion. Yet, this was often due to the fact that we had had an argument of some sort. I had never before seen his eyes like that. Sitting lazily on the edge of my bed, I thought.

The sun had begun to set, painting the room a deep red. I did not have a window, only wooden doors that opened up to the balcony, which were always kept open. If I wanted to, I could have walked to the balcony and seen Christian again, to try and calm him in his hypnotic and miserable state. But, I will admit, I was a selfish thing who wished only to lie atop the sheets of my bed, bathing in the humidity.

No sound came from Christian who now sat on the outside wall. He often did so, looking out at Paris as he had before. It was something he often did. I do not know what he stared at, only that he looked. One day, perhaps, I would ask. I thought it unwise to do so at the moment, though. He was still distraught.

Sighing, I finally stood, but only to find the fan I kept somewhere under the clothes in my drawer. The evenings of late had not been so warm, and I had found little need for the fan. As I opened it up, I smiled musingly. Christian had kept it for a long time, but only noticed a year after taking me in that I did not have one of my own, and so gave it to me.

I listened carefully to the sound of the air rushing as I fanned myself, but I don't clearly know why. It just seemed a strange sound, and one you didn't often hear. I had long abandoned the idea of decent clothing, and lay simply in a thin dress which had been unbuttoned to an indecorous level. Not that I cared, of course. I had never thought of Christian in a way that would make me feel embarrassed or attracted at the fact I dressed in such a way.

The night drew to us slowly, and the room went from red to grey, dyed by the colour of the moon. It was fortunate we lived in a building where, for the better part of the day, the sun shone towards us at the right angle and the moon rose to us directly. There was a beauty to it that mesmerised me slightly, and distracted me quite easily. Christian grew used to it quickly, finding the view beautiful as well, but with less vehement as I.

A soft breeze flew through the open doors, catching me off guard. I lay my fan down on the bed beside me with a sigh, thinking. I could not hear Christian at all, which was strange. I would have thought I would at least hear him cry.

God knows I never would have been able to hold onto tears for so long.


	2. Chapter 2

_The alleyway was so cold, but the adrenalin in my veins warmed me to the point where I could barely stand it. I stood still now, trapped in a dead end. He was down at the opening of the alley, standing as still as I was, watching me._

_I could see even from the distance I was at that he was smiling. The same smile he had used when he found out that the woman he'd been feeling up in a drunken haze had a daughter. The same smile that had told me we would end up like this one day._

_"Your mothers' waiting for you," he called out, a laugh in his voice. "You don't want to keep her waiting."_

_My breath was heavy, and I concentrated on that for a second, calming myself._

_"Just leave me alone," I said sternly, my voice echoing enough to be heard._

_"Rosanna, I'm not a patient man."_

_It was then that I saw it. The glint of metal emitting from his pocket as he pulled out his knife. I braced myself, although he was still so far away._

_"If you bloody dare," I muttered under my breath. I clenched my fist protectively, backing up against the wall behind me. He came towards me, and I could see the knife still lay firm in his hand._

_"We don't have to use violence," he said as he came closer. "You can just come with me now."_

_"Or how about you just leave now," I retorted, holding my voice at an even tone forcibly._

_He sniggered, only a few feet away from me now. A brief wind scattered the pieces of paper and rotten junk that filled the floor of the alleyway. I looked down at that knife, holding my breath and biting my tongue._

_"I won't hurt you," he said calmly, his tone patronising, as if he were talking to a child. "I'd never dream of hurting an obedient thing."_

_"I'm not coming with you!"_

_"Then I'm afraid I have no other choice. You see, I don't hurt obedient little girls," he explained, holding the knife point to his finger threateningly. "But I can't help what I do when little girls aren't so nice."_

_"Just leave me alone!" I screamed, my voice echoing, shattering against the alley walls._

_All of a sudden, his hand came to my throat and I uttered a shriek of protest. The knife still hung loosely in his hand- I was sure he was drunk, but that never once stopped him. It hadn't stopped my mother falling in love with him. It hadn't stopped him from concentrating fully on what he desired. It hadn't stopped him from beating she who loved him and she with little choice but to take the beatings. Then again, I'd always had a choice. This choice, the one that I was taking now._

_"Get off me you bastard!" I shouted, my hands thumping him against the chest as he came closer to me. His grip loosened slightly on my throat, but I was still unable to move away from him._

_"Now, now, pet, we can't have language like that, can we?"_

_"You can't tell me what to do any more!" I said, thrashing wildly. "I'm not my mother! I'm not going to do whatever you tell me to!"_

_The knife was placed at my stomach, the point touching my dress. I winced, but braced myself, holding my breath. Yet it was held lazily, and I could most likely have pushed it away if I had had the nerve. I bit my lower lip, my mind racing. For days now it had been decided I was leaving, and he wasn't going to stop me now. Nothing was going to stop me now._

_His breath burned my nose, the bitter scent of the alcohol he had drunken clouding my vision ever so slightly. I could feel his knife moving away slowly as his lips came closer to my face. A small, knowing smile came to my own lips as I realised my chance._

_With a swift movement, I jerked my knee up, pushing him by the shoulders as I did so. There was a satisfying groan of pain from him as he fell to the floor. I watched him for a moment, surprised and slightly glorified by the look on his face. I quickly caught my breath and sidled around his writhing form, suddenly realising the bitter cold._

_"You're not getting away!" he cried out, grabbing my ankle as I passed. I screamed out in surprise as I attempted to shake him off._

_"Just let me go," I pleaded, desperate now. "Let me go, I'm not yours to command any more!"_

_"Really?" he scorned, recovering himself somewhat. "You were never fully under my command before, but it's time you learnt now."_

_I was prepared by now to kick him with my other foot until I felt a piercing pain in my calf. My mind screamed out, but I am sure little other than a whisper emitted from my throat. The pain was unbearable, I must have fell to the floor. I clutched my leg, feeling the warm blood soak my hands. Hissing with the agony, I did not notice him stand, towering above me._

_"Are you ready to listen, now?" he asked, laughing to himself._

_"I-it's bleeding," I gasped. "Bleed-bleeding far too m-much-"_

_"If you're prepared to be a good girl," he said, leaning in closely so that I could smell his breath once more, "then I'll gladly take you back home where we can get you cleaned up."_

_"I'm n-not going back there!" I said, although my voice was weaker than I had first hoped. "You can't make me," I whispered, almost hopeful._

_He laughed out loud, malevolent and cruel. Yet I was slightly grateful for it. You see, he was now confident. He straddled on top of me, looking into my eyes and holding the now bloody knife near my throat._

_"Remember," he said, smiling, "tell a soul about tonight, and you'll wish you'd never been born."_

_With a sharp cry of agony as I did it, I spun quickly enough to catch him off guard until I now sat upon him instead, and with vigour I held the hand that held his knife, pointing it at his own throat._

_"By the end of tonight," I said, trembling, "you'll wish you'd never followed me."_

_Satisfaction rested upon me again as I saw the fear in his eyes, but it was soon lost as he smiled wickedly again. I was forced to ignore the still throbbing pain in my leg where it had been cut, but as I became lost in the smile I found that the pain was still attempting to scold me. At last, I realised it all too well, and with a gasp I let go of his hand to clutch my leg again, hissing._

_"You're obviously not going to co-operate," he said, his face utterly blank. "Pity, really. I was looking forward to a lovely evening."_

_My chest heaving for breath, I knew there was only one chance I had left._

_To utter one last scream._

_"Hey!" a voice sounded through the alleyway as he raised his knife. Both of us looked down the alley towards the voice, simply in shock._

_"This isn't to do with you," he called back threateningly._

_"What on earth are you doing?" the voice asked furiously as heavy footsteps came towards us. "Put that knife down this instant."_

_"You can either leave or be on the receiving end of it."_

_I looked up at the figure- a man, for sure- desperately, biting my lip until I was sure it would bleed._

_"Let her go," the man said sternly._

_"Listen, if you get your kicks out of girls on the streets you'd be better off somewhere else," he said sardonically. "This one's mine."_

_The knife began to seem extremely close by this point, and I winced aloud as I moved my head back to avoid being cut again._

_"If you don't let her go now," said the man, "then I'm going to use force."_

_He simply laughed, and I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst. Yet…_

_It did not come._

_A sickening thud echoed through the alley, and I opened my eyes in time to see the figure of the man's fist come in contact with his chin. I attempted to scream, but it came out silently. The figure looked towards me and held out a hand._

_"Are you alright?"_

_Trembling, I held out my hand to take hold of his._

_"I-I think so-" I hissed loudly as I tried to stand, falling again to the floor. "M-my leg, he-"_

_"Where do you live?" he asked, starting to scoop me up in his arms. I shook my head fiercely._

_"That doesn't matter, I can't go home! I can't!"_

_"I've got to take you somewhere."_

_"Just leave me be now, I'll find my way when my leg's healed, I promise."_

_The man looked at me- how small I must have seemed- and sighed almost reluctantly._

_"I suppose I don't have any other choice," he muttered as he walked on._

_"Choice?"_

_"If I leave you here someone'll find you," he muttered. "God damn me, that person'll be either some thug or one of those Moulin Rouge workers."_

And with that, I awoke.

Sweat was forming on my forehead, and my hands were trembling. The bed sheets had been twisted and tossed about beneath me, as they did whenever I had nightmares. Dear God, I thought to myself. Had it been so long since I had remembered this dream?

I looked out at the Paris scenery outside my window, waiting for a breeze to appear to cool me down in my post-nightmare heat. I supposed that Christian was still sleeping, as it was still dark outside. Frightened, and realising how alone I was in my room, I rested my head on the pillow once more, praying for a peaceful night.


	3. Chapter 3

I had had the nightmare before, and so it was not worth mentioning to Christian the next morning. It had been such a long time since I had thought about that first night, but I could not say that I wished to dwell on it continuously. Christian had never brought it up, and I don't suppose he wished to think of it either, really. It was a night neither of us wished to remember, and instead we simply lived with the fact that we were now trapped with each other, like a family.

Although, we neither of us needed a family, nor wished for it, so we did not mention the word.

We ate separately again for breakfast, despite Christian's best efforts. I still don't know why he put up such a fuss. It wasn't like we needed to be together that long. I know I must sound awfully ungrateful, at a time like this, when I remember everything he had ever done for me, but we had never been close anyway. Even if Christian did try to make it so, and even when I tried to reach out to him.

I suppose, in that respect, you could call us a family.

The nightmare did not come back to me as the days passed. In fact, little else happened to vex me, or frighten me. Little happened at all. Christian still shouted through the door for me to come through, and I still ignored him to the best of my ability. The heat wave was still upon us and the same draught of wind came through the open windows.

So how was I to expect anything?

Christian sat again on the wall of the balcony as I lay casually on the lounger sofa, propping a book on my knees. We didn't talk much to each other, as usual, but were enjoying the company of having another person there. The heat was still getting to me, and Christian had been forced to remind me that a book was for reading rather than for fanning oneself. I laughed the comment away and attempted to read the book, but my mind started to wonder onto the strangest of things.

For a while, I found myself wondering what I would do if a bird should fly through the window when Christian broke my concentration by clearing his throat pointedly.

"I wish you wouldn't do that, Christian," I moaned. "I was with my thoughts."

"Your thoughts are usually very silly."

"They were."

Shaking his head, as if no pride should be taken in such a fact, he beckoned me over. Sighing almost as pointedly as he had cleared his throat, I walked to the balcony, staring out at what he looked towards. There was a short moment of silence before Christian pointed towards Paris.

"Your family's out there somewhere, you know," he said quietly. Immediately, I tensed.

"I told you not to talk about them."

"Your mother, she may be looking for you."

"She didn't care much for me. I was just there, she preferred to be outside…"

Outside? No, she liked to be out of the house, most likely fucking some guy she found on the streets, as penniless as we were but more proud about his attitude. Christian knew very well I didn't like to talk about it, and yet he still persisted all of a sudden to do so. Yet in rage of the memory, I was not at all curious about why he brought it up.

"You're not still thinking about her?"

"I try not to."

"She can't have been all bad."

I cast him a dark look, grimacing at the very idea. He smiled weakly, reaching out a hand to pat my arm gently.

"Why are you even asking?" I asked bitterly.

"I've been thinking myself. You're not the only one who can, you know."

"I don't think such stupid things," I said, folding my arms and looking away crossly. Christian's smile dropped slightly, and there settled an awkward silence. After a few minutes, he sighed and rose from the wall, walking to the door in a few simple strides and grabbing his coat.

"I won't be long," he said quickly, reaching for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to see someone."

"Who?"

He did not reply, and the door had closed before I could even repeat the question. Only moments later, he appeared on the streets below, his head tucked down and his hands thrust deep into his pockets. I thought for a moment to call after him, but thought better. It was far too warm to bother with raising my voice, and I wasn't sure if I wished to speak to him at all.

I leant my head against the wall, lazily looking out at the scenery before me. My eyes fluttered a few times, arguing against my urge to sleep. Paris had long dimmed its lights, as if preparing me for the moment that fatigue would envelope me, dragging me deep into sleep…

_My eyes opened slightly, and I took in my surroundings. The very last thing I remembered was being in that man's arms. How foolish, I hadn't even asked his name! I groaned out loud, my head light, although the pain I had felt previously had now turned to a numb sensation. I stretched my limbs out as far as I could without gasping in pain, savouring the feeling of my joints unfreezing._

"_You're awake, then," said a voice I recognised as the man's from my previous memory._

_I simply groaned in reply, unable to think of any reply to such a question. Footsteps came near, and I felt the presence of someone by me. Tiredly, I opened my eyes, seeing a handsome face looking at me._

"_I thought for a while there you wouldn't wake up."_

"_Where am I?" I muttered._

"_After I found you, I brought you to my home."_

"_I thank you, but I shouldn't have allowed it."_

_The man smiled weakly, feeling my forehead with the back of his hand._

"_Don't bother with such modesty," he said, "it's not at all believable. You would have died out there."_

"_I could have found a way to survive. I wouldn't run away without a plan."_

"_That's not what I mean," he added, shaking his head. "You developed a fever, and I was sure enough you'd die even here. You wouldn't have lasted a day on the streets."_

_I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better, and for once held my tongue. I vowed I should not be left speechless like that again- it did not befit me. The man raised his eyebrows, as if amused by my silence. I enquired as to his name, at which he smiled._

"_Christian. You may call me by my first name."_

"_Christian…" I repeated, musing. "I guess you can call me Rosanna, then."_

"_Well then, Rosanna," he said, nodding gladly. "With that sorted, you'll be hungry, I'm guessing."_

_He rose slightly, but quickly my hand lay on his arm in a pitiful attempt to keep him by my side. I shook my head earnestly._

"_I couldn't ask of anything from you."_

"_You needn't ask."_

"_What if I don't want anything from you?"_

"_You've got a sharp tongue, I'll give you that." Christian smiled, the brightest smile I had seen so far, yet not strong enough to be called his happiest of smiles._

"_If you are adamant in feeding me then I shall allow you to do so. But I'm leaving the moment I can."_

_He laughed half-heartedly._

"_I'm not going to make you leave. Where else do you have to go?"_

"_There's always somewhere, I'll just look there."_

"_Where exactly is there?"_

_I paused, thinking- I had not been stopped in my tracks, it was an honest pause of thought._

"_Like I said, there's always somewhere. Just as long as I don't go back. As long as I don't look back to my mother, or…him, I'll be alright."_

"_You're speaking in utter nonsense now, Rosanna. Perhaps you weren't ready to wake up?"_

"_I'm perfectly healthy enough to sit up, thank you very much," I said, more hurt than anything, but my comment sounded bitter. To my surprise, Christian took no offence, and simply stood up and retreating to an area in the flat that seemed to be a kitchen. I realised shortly afterwards that I was sitting on his couch, and suddenly felt uncomfortable. It was invaders of the household that slept on the couch rather than welcome guests, and guilt overcame me._

_I looked around, and the apartment itself was quite small. I bit my lower lip, my eyes darting back towards Christian._

"_No one else lives here, do they?"_

_A slight clattering sound echoed through the apartment as Christian abruptly dropped a plate onto the table top. I jumped slightly. Every time one of my mother's affections got angry, I heard that very sound before instinct told me to run._

"_I only wondered, I'm sorry…it's just small in here, and I-"_

"_Thought you'd ask?" he finished slightly bitterly._

"_I'm sorry." My voice was only a mumbling mutter._

"_If you're going to stay here," he said, grinding his teeth and clinging to the edge of the counter top, "then I don't want you to talk about that sort of thing. Just…just don't."_

"_The place is just so small," I whispered. "I didn't want to be intruding on more than one person. Even that's a little…difficult."_

_Very slightly, Christian's features softened and he continued preparing food with a light sigh. I lay my head against the pillow that had been placed beneath my head, exhaling lightly. And with that, it was arranged. Christian had so quickly allowed me into the apartment, and was going to keep me. I tried not to think of it, but for some reason or another I felt as if I were his pet._

With a start, I opened my eyes. I had been woken up by the sound of a key in the door.

"Christian?" I asked out loud, as if anyone else actually had a key to the room. It had been a year now and not once had he brought anyone up here who might have a key. Unless he gave them out to strangers, but I didn't expect him to.

The door opened, and of course, it was Christian. But…I couldn't recall the man who came with him. Neither of them looked at me immediately, staring either at each other or the floor, embarrassed.

"Christian?" I asked again after a few moments silence. "Who's this?"

"Rosanna," he began slowly, holding out a hand to indicate the rather garishly dressed man, "this man is Harold Zidler. An old…acquaintance."

"Then ask him to sit down," I said firmly, as if reminding a child of a task they had been set. "If it helps you gentlemen then I'll get some tea. Do you take sugar, Mr Zidler?" I asked the man brightly, feigning some interest in him.

"He did not come for tea."

I rose from the wall, staring at both of them. It was not out of curiosity. They simply stared at me first. It was more childish revenge than anything else.

"Then what is he here for?"

"I think I can speak for myself," the man said, holding up a hand to silence Christian when he opened his mouth to speak. "Child, I'll assume that Christian didn't tell you anything about this, did he?"

"What's happening?"

"I'll take that as a no. I'm afraid, due to unforeseen circumstances, you're going to be…let us say, living with me and my…ah, family."

"Family," Christian laughed bitterly.

"Christian, what's going on?" I asked again, trembling slightly. The man had a natural leer to his stare. It didn't help at all it was accented when he smiled, which seemed to be most of the time, if only out of pure habit.

"Rosanna, I'm so sorry, but…"

"But?"

"I can't handle it any more," he said briskly, plunging into the cold water with a few simple words.

"Handle what? Christian, if this is about my…my attitude, or something like that-"

"It's nothing like that," he said desperately. "I don't mind that at all. It's just that, well, I haven't been doing as well as I could have hoped." He paused. "Financially."

"I sort of guessed that," I pointed out, almost sneering. I turned my head sharply to this Mr Zidler. "And you? Why would you take me into your home?"

"It's not so much a home…"

"Then what is it?"

The two men looked at each other, an awkward air almost choking me.

"For you, it is a place to live, nothing more," Mr Zidler said hastily once the silence was broken.

"But for everyone else?"

"The Moulin Rouge."

I blinked twice, my eyes darting from Christian to Mr Zidler. With sudden realisation and fury, I literally stamped my foot with the passion and moved quickly and briskly to my room.

"Rosanna?" Christian called after me, following not a moment later.

"I told you," I muttered as I flung open my cabinet doors, "that I didn't want to stay. This was your choice." Each word was said through gritted teeth.

"I didn't know how everything would end up going," he said simply, but quietly.

"Then you should have planned ahead!"

"If I could, I would have, but-"

"But nothing!" I finally cried out, throwing a shoe I held in my hand at him, scarcely missing him. "You should have been prepared, I could have gone if you hadn't insisted I'd stay!"

"I didn't force you to stay."

"You might as well have!"

"This is hard enough without you making even more of a fuss of it, Rosanna."

Angrily, I took hold of my other shoe, throwing it straight towards his head.

"A fuss!" I shrieked, losing my temper utterly. "A fuss! You send me out with a minutes warning to a brothel and this is a fuss?"

"You don't have to work there," he said calmly. "I've arranged a deal with Zidler. He only wants you to smile and look pretty-"

"I've seen the girls there, that's all they say they do!"

"Let me finish, Rosanna. You only have to be there, look nice. He's not going to make you…sell yourself."

I took hold of a third shoe, not sure whether to throw it or not, but I still held it just in case.

"Then why send me there at all?" I asked quietly.

"It's the only place I know that you're not going to just be wallowing on the streets."

"I told you long ago I'd find somewhere."

"Somewhere isn't good enough. I need to know where 'somewhere' is."

I paused, not looking at all at him, and dropped the shoe to the floor. Glowering, I hurriedly packed my bag with minimal amounts of clothing- I did not bother with anything he had bought me- with my back turned to him. He did not leave the room, but watched me.

"Why don't you keep this Mr Zidler company or something? I don't need it."

"_Mr_ Zidler? He doesn't deserve that kind of name, just remember that."

As I packed, I all of a sudden slowed down, thinking deeply._ Zidler._ The name sounded so familiar. As if I had seen it before. I racked my mind, desperately trying to remember.

Then I realised.

"That's why you don't like him," I whispered.

"What?"

I turned my head slowly to look at him, smiling almost knowingly.

"Zidler. His name was in your book, wasn't it?"

"My book?" All of a sudden his calm countenance became stern. "How did you-"

"When you were out a while ago, I read it. It's why you don't like Zidler, isn't it? Because of what he did to Satine?"

I don't know why I said it.

I don't know why I'd enjoyed annoying Christian for so long, but I'd never been as bad as this. I'd never actually spoken about Satine to this day. Not once. Not even when he annoyed me so much that I wanted to hurt him.

He didn't speak to me any more after that. He didn't even say goodbye. I muttered a small farewell, walking with a large distance in between me and this Zidler. I didn't say a word to him, but each time he addressed me I only looked at him bitterly.

"We can see you'll be a favourite," he laughed, but I could not tell whether it was sarcastic or not.


	4. Chapter 4

I wasn't blind to the eyes that stared at me when Zidler took my to the Moulin Rouge. All of the women were out, it seemed, either dressing casually in front of each other and the male stage hands, or covering their faces with powder and make-up.

"Will I have to wear this stuff?" I asked weakly as I observed the garish dresses.

"Everyone's a little different."

What with all the colours and dresses about, you might think you were in a bloody rainbow. The bright lights and colours were practically blinding, but I assumed one could become used to it. Dearly, I hoped I wouldn't. The light was far too garish, and I wouldn't accept it as the norm.

Zidler took my bag briskly off me and handed them to a passing girl- he didn't even ask of anything, and I was absolutely sure I'd never see it again- as he directed me to a small dormitory no bigger than Christian's apartment. It was filled to the brim with girls lounging on the beds dotted about the place, or at the mirrors that lined the walls, applying powders or fixing their hair.

I thought back again, Christian's book enlightening me.

_His Diamond Dogs._

I did not know exactly where to stand, or where to go, and just waited around by Zidler. I'd never have admitted it out loud, but I was ever so slightly frightened. A few of the girls stared at me, scrutinising me. I stared back at them with my best impression of pure ignorance to their glances, but I daresay it didn't work very well. Some sneered about themselves, pointing from the corners.

"Well, well, well," said a lazy voice as a small, thin and slightly frightening woman sauntered towards us. "Yeh didn't tell us you 'ad another lass comin' along now, did yeh?"

"It wasn't much of your concern. Now," he said loudly, clapping his hands to catch the girls' attention. "I need to see you all ready in one hour, chickies. Not a moment later."

"Who's she?" a girl called out in an almost bitter tone.

"She'll be joining you," Zidler replied simply.

"That's not her name, is it? I asked who she was, not what she was doing here."

"We all know what she's doing here," another girl said, laughing and nudging the person beside her.

Zidler only sighed, and patted my shoulder lightly before turning around and leaving. I stared after him, confused. What on earth was he thinking? I was pretty sure these girls would tear me in two with a wrong move.

A few girls seemed far too busy to concern themselves with me, but I noticed that the larger amount of people still stared at me, even when carrying on about their business. I stared back at each and every one of them, frozen to the spot and swaying slightly with the effort of not fainting. They all seemed so…indescribable. It may have just been the way their make-up was put on, or the way that they stared, but they all had an essence of malice in them.

"So," the small, thin woman I had seen beforehand said loudly, walking towards me with a hand on her hip. "'ow'd we manage to get a lady like you then? We 'aven't 'ad anyone around in years."

"I have my connections," I muttered, looking at her curiously.

"Connections? There's one I've never heard."

"I think it's an excuse," said another person, standing up and folding her arms. "Not a very good one at that."

"You're one to talk," came a third voice as a quaint, voluptuous girl pushed her way between the two. "If I remember right, it was you who said she was running away from home."

"I was running away from home!"

"Please, you were looking forward to being a whore. You sought it out! For the first few weeks you were here you chose the guys, it's supposed to be the other way around."

"Excuse me for making the best of a situation," she retorted with a grin. The quaint woman sighed irritably, taking hold of my arm and dragging me towards the back wall.

"Whatever you've heard, we're not all like that."

"We?" I asked, dazed.

"All the girls here. We're not. You just happened to bump into whores among whores."

"I didn't think there could be such a thing."

"Neither did I until I came here."

I nodded slowly, still unsure. The woman noticed, and gave me an assuring smile as she thrust me down onto the edge of a bed.

"Zidler hasn't told me what to do yet so it looks like I'll be deciding on your…visage," she said happily, plucking a strand of my hair.

"You very well won't!" I retorted, batting her hand away lightly. I expected more of a scolding, but she simply clucked her tongue.

"Never caught your name, by the way."

"I didn't mention it. Rosanna."

"They call me Peacock," she told me, smiling broadly.

"Peacock?"

"Not many of us still use our names," she admitted. "Safer, really. Everyone sort of suits theirs, anyway." She waved across the room pointing at a few people. "That small thing down there, we call her China Doll. Kind of obvious, really. The dark girl plucking her eyebrows, La Ko Ka Chau, and the one you had the delight of meeting was Nina."

"No nickname?" I asked.

"Not by choice. We sort of chose for her."

"Do I really want to ask?" I queried cautiously.

"You'll find out sooner or later," she smiled. "Anyway, like I said, it looks like I'm the one dressing you."

Almost immediately, I clutching at my dress, pulling it tightly to me. Peacock only laughed, shaking her head.

"I only mean I'm choosing your clothes, I'm not physically going to-"

"Then don't say it!"

She only chuckled, and took hold of my wrist. I wasn't clear straight away where she was taking me, but eventually we turned into a rather garish looking closet. There were yet again more dresses, all of which were such a horrid colour I felt as if I'd walked into a book. A rather childish one at that, without much meaning or sense. Nonetheless, I allowed myself to be dragged through, Peacock throwing random outfits into my arms. I could not stand the sight of them, the very thought of wearing one making me feel ill- I no longer knew if this was because of my detestation for colour, or the fact that I had realised why they were worn.

"They're not that bad when you get used to them," she told me, seeing the look of horror on my face.

"It's not that I'm worried about," I said faintly.

"Perhaps you should have gone somewhere else if the men worry you," she said quietly, yet kindly, as if a mother. I looked up quickly, shaking my head.

"Zidler has given me his promise, I shan't do anything of that sort by his order."

"You'll regret ever having listened to that," she warned.

"He would not have lied," I said. "I was promised through my…connections."

"I do not mean that he will lie to you. But…life here is not as simple as you might think."

"What do you mean?" I asked warily. She bit her lip, and paused her speech for a moment as she began to unbutton the dress I had on, forcing a much more tame black and white dress into my hand.

"All the stories you've heard are probably true," she began. "Sure, we make a living here. We sell ourselves. It's the easiest way to get by. After a while, you get used to it. If you're lucky, you get used to it- hopefully not as much as some of those girls you heard from. You're sensible enough, you won't be that bad, I'm sure. Anyway, that's the sort of story you hear."

"How much more can there be?" I asked as she pulled the dress over the top of my head until I stood shivering in my petticoat.

"Plenty to you. We're what you call creatures of the underworld."

I nodded slowly, remembering the book all over again. _We're creatures of the underworld, Satine…we cannot afford to love._

"Only the fortunate ones are able to say they have never trifled with the idea of love," she continued, now pulling the strings of the new dress I had already put on. "Luckily there are less than that who can say they ever did fall in love. We are not able to allow such things."

"Did you?" I gasped as she pulled at the strings tightly.

"Sorry," she mumbled as I did so. "It doesn't really matter if I did or not."

I nodded slowly, realising that I was most likely pushing the line by asking such a question.

"What regret do you believe I would have?" I asked, still unsure why I was to know this.

"I only mean to warn you. Better women have tried and failed, thinking they could fall in love."

Nodding slowly as Peacock finished the laces on my dress, I looked at her painfully, remembering all of a sudden.

"I've heard."


	5. Chapter 5

Even now I am not sure what happened that evening. I only saw Zidler privately one more time where he dubbed me his little '_Humbug_' in odd humour towards my dress, but I assumed that was the way certain people had gained their names. I did not know why I needed a different name, I had no reason to hide. He seemed to give me it only for his own humour.

Peacock led me to the stage in the most motherly fashion, which seemed almost improbable due to the circumstances. As we walked, a few girls passed us by, sneering at me. I looked away from them, embarrassed by the way they studied me with curiosity and humour.

"Just think of it," the one I knew as Nina said to the woman beside her. "The guys'll go crazy tonight over her. We haven't had a virgin here in months."

"Don't say a word about that," Peacock threatened. "Zidler gave a promise they wouldn't get to her."

"Yeh never know, words might just slip out," she said, smiling devilishly. "I personally have little interest in keeping other people's promises and secrets."

"They're not yours to tell, leave them to her!"

She let out a cackle-like laugh, walking off with that smile still on her face. I hadn't said a word throughout the whole encounter, but I had to admit I was still shaken. Peacock watched as Nina left, and upon noticing my face she shook her head knowingly.

"I wouldn't listen to her if I were you, she doesn't have the guts."

"They wouldn't just…" I trailed off, my face turning paler than usual.

"No, that's not happened in years," she replied hurriedly, automatically knowing what I would say. "Even if it was going to, I'm not going to be too far away, and I'm not the only one who'd help. Not everyone's like them."

I pretended to believe her, but we both knew I wouldn't trust this place. Not after everything she'd told me. It was the first time I had seen the hall we would be dancing in. If I recalled correctly, I had read that it had been turned into a theatre, the theatre that ruined Christian.

"Zidler had it demolished," Peacock said when I asked. "The first night was a disaster and he didn't have the heart to keep it up."

"The disaster? You mean…her?" I trailed off, adding 'her' pathetically in an attempt not to say Satine's name- it was far too painful, even for me who had never known her.

"You heard, huh?"

"My connections knew her."

Peacock opened her eyes wide, stopping abruptly in her tracks.

"You mean…you know him? Christian?"

"You know him?"

"Of course I do! He was the writer for 'Spectacular Spectacular'!"

"I didn't think you'd be such an avid fan."

"Truth be told, I was not, but I was one of the dancers in the production." She paused with a heavy sigh. "I was backstage when Satine died. You should have seen Christian, everyone who detested the woman only cried because he was such a pitiful sight."

"I'd rather not talk about it," I muttered awkwardly.

"Of course, of course, all in the past! Now, we must really hide you away somewhere, mustn't we?"

And so she did. I was led to the back of the platform where the can-can dancers danced, to the furthest point from where the gentlemen would sit- gentlemen if they could be called so. I was assumed safe enough to not be seen, and with that safely in my mind I suppose that most of the night passed by me without much more thought.

There was such an excitement buzzing in the air that I almost forgot where I was. Colours spun around me, and people were almost singing, even without such a cue. There was an essence of wonder to it, but I was frightened beyond belief. I looked around me, noticing at least a few friendly faces. Peacock still smiled kindly at me, although it did not take long before I saw a man's face buried into her neck. It was strange to say the least to see such a change so rapidly.

I was safe where I had been left, unseen by the staring crowds. Not a single man came near me, although I watched their faces curiously, concentrating only on the lust behind their eyes. For the most part, they were quite old men, perhaps forty or over. Only few were young enough to be bachelors, and even fewer were at all near my age.

That was when I noticed him.

Christian caught my gaze from across the hallway, and I could tell he had been watching me for some time. I had attempted to ignore him for some time, but it did not work for long. Even after the practise I'd had over the years, I couldn't simply ignore him- after all, he was the reason I was here.

I left the place I had been assigned the moment that Peacock was given a second to herself. I placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump frightfully when she felt the hand was much softer than a male's.

"You were supposed to stay put!" she hissed, trying to push me away back to my place.

"I can't, I've seen him, Peacock!"

"Him? Who?"

"Christian!"

She squealed a single 'oh' of surprise, and spun quickly to look at Christian, who still stared at us, more curious now than he had been before. I pulled her arm, returning her attention to me. With a last desperate look from me, she nodded firmly, biting her lip.

"You need to speak to him?"

I nodded fervently, my eyes darting from Peacock to Christian. She looked also, and then smiled knowingly.

"No one bothers you if they think your busy," she said hurriedly. "Just…just go up to him and, you know, pretend he's a customer or something."

"Zidler'll notice," I said worriedly.

"Who cares about Zidler? You might not get this chance again, just go and talk to him!"

Without allowing me to say another word, she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me ever so slightly in his direction. I sighed heavily, and quickly walked- tripping over my own feet slightly- towards Christian, who all of a sudden straightened up as he saw me.

"You'll get nothing more than this," I said as I sat upon his knee, turning his head to face me.

"I didn't want to ask for anything more than to talk."

I pressed my lips together, and glancing around me at the people who stared at us, I brought my lips close to his ear.

"Why are you even here?" I whispered.

"I just wanted to make sure Zidler would keep his promise."

"Everyone seems to already have such a bad perception of him."

"For good reason."

"You needn't stay any longer," I said. "You've seen he's kept his promises, haven't you?"

"I didn't get to say goodbye properly before, now, did I?"

"I didn't want to hear your goodbyes. They serve me little."

"Then at least let me try and make up for my mistakes."

I paused, contemplating his words.

"How can you make up for _this?"_

_"_Easily enough. I just…I just need to find you somewhere else. Find you a job."

"Like what?"

"I don't know…you could work in a shop? Earn some money, you wouldn't have to be here."

"I told you a while back, I never got taught numbers."

"A library?"

"Never learnt to read."

"A teacher?"

I paused again, biting my lip. That was when I suddenly realised.

"You didn't teach me anything I could teach."

"There must be something you know…something of use."

"My mother didn't teach me to read or write," I said bitterly. "But…you didn't teach me anything. You've left me with nothing else but this."

"That's preposterous, you've other talents."

"Talents? You think this a talent? I'm hiding away in corners!"

"At least you're not out there," he reminded me. I looked briefly at the stage where even Peacock had been stolen away again, although I dared not dwell on what she was doing.

"I'm sentenced to a life where people will assume me a whore. I don't even fulfil my name."

"You'd rather you really were?"

"No!" I cried out indignantly. "I'd rather you'd forced me to leave a year ago, but unless you can change that we haven't much else to talk about."

I attempted to rise, but Christian, determined, held me by the waist and pulled me back to him.

"Rosanna, I can't rest at night knowing you're here, I really can't."

"Then don't arrange for me to come!"

"I had no other choice."

"Of course you did! There's no use in denying it, Christian. If you weren't going to apologise then you mightn't have come."

"I don't need to apologise, I'm setting it right now."

"You don't need to set anything right," I hissed, sliding away from him. "You've condemned me enough."

He tried to take hold of my wrist again, but I disallowed such contact, and slipped away from his sight through the crowds of dancers quickly. Although such an encounter would have provoked emotion in most girls, I could not find a tear to shed. I wondered how pitiful I must have seemed, not being able to find such a sadness in his plea, but it could not be helped.

I ran quickly towards the dormitory, unable to continue any longer. I did not know how long Christian would stay, waiting for me to finally listen to him, but I refused to allow myself to do so.


	6. Chapter 6

Christian didn't come back the next night. Nor the night after. To be honest, I don't think I can recall seeing him under those circumstances ever again. A week went by, perhaps, and our routine was always the same. I learnt a small lesson from Peacock, or sometimes one of the girls who she deemed appropriate, and then after this we would go down to the main hall where the show would take part. I was always hidden in the same corner, hiding away while those that I now knew as friends would be taken away by a gentleman.

I became used to it, though, and refused to allow myself to complain. There was no use in doing so, and I had never much approved of action without reason. And, to be honest, I had little else to complain about after a short while. Nina had not spread any rumours, and by the looks of things she wouldn't. Everyone else had skilfully managed to keep their lips shut…figuratively speaking.

Life, though, could not be described as anything close to peaceful. Despite the fact that no secrets had been told, I was still the direct target for the teasing that Nina and her clan seemed made to do. Peacock told me that more often than not their target would change every month or so, but it didn't soothe me much.

It was easy enough to get used to, though. She would always follow the same structure- Think you're so much better than us? You'll fall into it, you know, you can't hold your head high in a place like this. Don't know why I don't just tell them all, I'm sure there're gentlemen out there never had someone like you before. Why deny them the pleasure?

"She's just making it up as she goes along," Igloo, a friend of Peacock's, teased. "Never were much different, were you?"

"Who says I'm joking?" she retorted. "Tonight might be the night I actually tell."

"You never do," I pointed out quietly, not having gained the courage to speak out to her until lately.

"Are you daring me?" she sneered.

"No, I just thought-"

"Well, you thought wrong."

"There's no need to start up another argument," Peacock intervened, placing a hand protectively on my shoulder. "She won't speak back to you if you don't say anything to antagonise her, Nina."

"One of these days it'll be our business to make sure she doesn't say anything in the first place," Igloo murmured to me.

"Was that a threat?"

"I think you know very well it was," she laughed. "Anyway, you weren't even meant to hear that. Looks like those big ears come in useful once in a while."

A few girls around me laughed cattily, and Peacock was forced to bite her lip, trying to make a better impression.

"Let's not argue, now," she said as Nina's face turned slightly red.

"I'm only telling you what you already know!" she defended, her lips pursed. She paused, and smiled all of a sudden. "Still, there's a lot everyone out there doesn't know."

"You've already said that one, Nina, try another threat once in a while if you're not going to live up to it."

"You may have pushed me over the edge."

"Don't tease her like that," said Urchin, another girl who seemed to despise Nina. "You're just embarrassing yourself now, Nina."

"Embarrass myself?" she scoffed. "I've not embarrassed myself at all."

"Of course not," Igloo said, rolling her eyes. She turned to me. "I think we should get you away, dear."

"Yeah, let her hide behind you lot," Nina said, smiling. "She'll never learn if you do that."

"That's not really up to you, now, is it?" Peacock said.

Looking back, I don't know really why I didn't fight back at that moment. I was sick of having people looking after me like I was a child, but I was petrified to say anything. This woman was most likely twice my age, and yet painted herself to look younger, wore clothes to make herself more proud. There was something in this that simply scared me.

"You should get yourself ready," Nina laughed, nodding her head at me. "I'm sure it'll be a big night for you."

"The threat has become tiring," I muttered. "You haven't lived up to it yet."

"Like I said, sure it'll be a big night."

Igloo, who had stood protectively by my side, started to move and was immediately held back by Urchin, who beheld a rather worried face. Nina only laughed at the anger she had started, proud in her accomplishment. I bit my tongue, staring at her and searching the strange woman's face. She paused in her laughter when she saw me watching, and her smile turned into another bitter sneer.

"What're you looking at?"

"I just…you're not really going to do it," I said finally, helplessly.

"Willing to bet on that?" she asked quietly, a small smile returning.

I noticed through the corner of my eye that Urchin was positively straining trying to stop Igloo from charging.

"If you dare," she growled, her eyes livid. Nina only laughed, and with that, turned around and sauntered away casually. Urchin paused before letting go of Igloo, who glared at her in return.

"I could have taken her on," she muttered darkly.

"Of course you could."

"Thank you," I said with a dear tone, clutching her hand. She sighed, and smiled slightly.

"No problem, I'm sure."

Peacock nodded affirmingly at her, proud enough of the efforts put forward. We thought no more of the short encounter that day. Urchin took pleasure for the rest of the day before the evening opening in fussing over my hair, ignoring my struggles against her. Igloo only stared in the mirror, fashioning a fringe and then flipping it away.

"Zidler's going to kill me," she said aloud after a short silence. "No one's much taken interest on me after the dancing lately."

"You have too much pride," Peacock said knowingly. "It shows."

"You'll be lucky trying to get Zidler to listen, though," Urchin mused.

"It can't be helped," I mentioned, but everyone sighed almost simultaneously.

"As if he cares," Igloo said. "It's all a business with him."

"This is a business, though."

"Oh, you know what I mean," she snapped, almost pulling out the lock of hair she held between two fingers. She bit her lip, again nervous. "If he notices, I'm out of here."

"Plenty of new girls come in every day," Peacock said. "Sure, they're not much of a fuss, but the men have a thing about new girls. Except for Rosie, we made sure of that, of course." I shuddered at the use of the name 'Rosie'. "All of us aren't doing as well as we could."

"He's willing to keep me, though, why wouldn't he keep you?"

They all smiled slightly at my naivety, and Igloo even laughed a small titter. I was ever so slightly confused- of course I would be, I was so young both in age and experience- and was irritated that they would not explain their smiles.

I was much more observant that night. As Peacock had previously said, newer girls had come along. None of them were nearly as young as I was, and certainly none of them were as innocent. I had taken a liking to none of them, as they all embraced their new lives in an attempt to fit in. Although, I could not help but respect, ever so slightly, the attempts.

It was true, some of the more usual faces I had grown used to in the past week wallowed in the corner, much like I did. They had little other choice. Some glared at the others who were bringing business, and some stared up at the stage where Zidler excited the crowds. All watched different people, all did different things, and yet all were united in the same goal- to survive.

There was only one person I did not watch…the one person we all should have been checking on.

The clock struck one o'clock in the morning, and yet everything had only just begun. It was strange, really, in my opinion, but I thought nothing of the time any more. Few spoke to me- even Peacock only smiled from far away. She was one of the luckier lot. Gentlemen still preferred her to some, and she was safe enough in her place at the Moulin Rouge.

I was only glad to feel safe enough that I would be able to stay. Whenever I pondered this, I always felt slightly grateful to Christian. He may have left me defenceless in the world, but he'd made sure I wouldn't suffer for it. Zidler had kept his own part of the bargain, although it wasn't much needed. No one paid me attention while I was hidden away.

Until tonight.

As I was soon to discover, Nina had long hidden my secret from the world. It seemed, though, that we had long enough teased her for keeping the secret, never with the guts to speak out. How wrong we had been. She had grown jealous, I suppose. Nina wasn't as pretty as she'd once been, and better legs were out to be found. She just seemed to want to relieve the vengeance she wished to partake in.

It wasn't long after the clock had struck that a man came to me, perhaps middle aged. He smiled at me saucily, in a way many men would assume heart-melting for a woman.

"Hello there, love," he said, standing closely to me. "You seem ever so lonely here."

"If you'd please, sir, I'm awaiting someone else." An excuse I had been taught, although I was never expected to use it.

"Well, we can at least talk while he's coming, can't we?"

"Please, sir, you can speak to someone else," I said desperately. I looked across the hall, and to my delight Igloo caught my eye. "She's alone right now," I said, nodding in her direction.

"But I've heard ever such good things about you," he said, pulling me towards him by the waist. "Turns out you're one of a kind."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Our dear Nina's told me you're new here," he explained, a glow to his eye. At that moment, my dear saviour took hold of the man's arm.

"Haven't you learnt not to tease young ladies," Igloo said to him, winking at me in good favour. "Leave her be, her customer's coming any time soon."

The man sighed, but relented, and I escaped quickly enough before I could see anything else. Slightly disgusted, I hadn't at all taken in the fact that my secret was revealed. It hadn't at all sunk in that life was drastically different to what Christian had planned.


	7. Chapter 7

It seemed as if our problems had been saved. Those who sought my virtue were simply turned away with claims that I was already taken, and those without business would thrive on those left out. Some were slightly appreciative of my being there by this point, if not for the first time. I, however, could not have been more distraught. Peacock assured me that while our lives were lived out in this manner, I would survive until I finally managed to be free of this place.

Nina didn't bother us much after that night. Her vengeance had been settled, and proved rather fruitless to a certain extent. I wondered for a while why, but knew it best not to dwell on things in the Moulin Rouge. One could become paranoid. In fact, even without the temptation of my thoughts, I could not help but become slightly paranoid.

Although, I knew as well as any other person that life does not simply stay the same. I was never destined to simply fob off different men to my friends- it was strange that allowing them to sell themselves and forcing customers upon them was any sort of favour- forever. I knew this, and yet I did not wish to face it. Who would?

It was a Tuesday night, if I recall correctly, that my dreaming ended. I had been left again in my corner, but with little care. Zidler seemed pleased enough from the stage with the business, having just emerged from a small matter of business, as he had told us beforehand. I stood against the wall, there being little reason to do anything but this. Everyone was occupied, and I closed my eyes, as if pretending I were somewhere else. Anywhere else.

"Seems the best thing to do," said a voice that appeared quite suddenly beside me. I opened my eyes quickly, staring at the person who had just spoken.

"What does?"

"Sleeping," he replied, a casual smile on his face. I looked at the man with a slight curiosity. He seemed no older than thirty, at the very most.

"If you are looking for a woman, I'm afraid I'm waiting for another customer."

"Of course you are," he said, rolling his eyes. "But until that point-"

"Until that point, I remain faithful enough to the man who is paying," I lied, although it seemed easy enough on my tongue.

"Faithful was never part of your job description, now, was it?"

"I never said it was, I only said that I'd make sure I stuck by that idea."

"Then of course, I shall allow you to abide by that rule," he said with a light in his eye that told me he knew very well the complication of my lie. "But then, there should be no rule broken at all if I simply speak to you, will there?"

"Of course," I replied reluctantly. I could not help but agree with him. There was a tone in his voice that made me ache for the company I had lost when I was brought to this place. What else was I to do but speak to him with the casual nature I had previously been used to.

"Might there be a time after which I can assume you free?" he asked.

"After that time, I should think I'll be weary."

"I can assure you, my dear," he said, lightly holding my hand and touching it with his lips, "I never disappoint a tired young girl."

"I'd mind you to hold your tongue," I snapped, snatching back my hand. "I'll have you know Zidler keeps a personal eye over me in this place, and wouldn't look kindly upon your behaviour."

"May I then ask why you at all bother coming to a place like this, then?"

I paused, only in contemplation, and then shook my head without much reason at all.

"That really doesn't concern you, does it?"

"It concerns me if I wish to become one of those customers."

"You've begun to bore me, sir, I think it best you leave." The man blinked twice, and then smiled broadly, a laugh playing on his lips. He outstretched a hand to me.

"Do forgive me, I've been ever so rude."

"Indeed you have."

"Then you will allow me to repent for such rudeness?" he asked, a sincere expression on his face. I stared on for a moment, slightly confused. A childishly romantic part of me reminded me that no one had yet spoken with such a politeness to me, nor ever asked anything of me apart from favours which they believed I dispersed.

"I won't sleep with you," I said bluntly, as if to make the point clear. He only laughed.

"And when, my dear, did I say you would? I merely made the intention…implied."

"What difference does that make?"

"Much," he replied. "If I were to force you, to remind you it is your duty…well, there just wouldn't be much fun then, would there?"

"You see it as a game?" I asked curiously, although slightly disgusted.

"What man does not? Though I do admit, I only game for a fairer hand."

"Mine is not the only hand here," I reminded him.

"Yours is the only hand I seek interest in."

"Sir, I am under the impression it is not my hand alone you have interest in," I said coyly. "You can not persuade me that it is true."

He nodded thoughtfully.

"I would not lie with such an obvious fact. But what does it matter? No other gentleman here comes for any other purpose but that of having his way with a beautiful young girl, are they?"

"I'm not denying it."

"Then I can only hope you will see, my dear, that my intentions are only those of the highest respect," he told me, again reaching for my hand and kissing it gently. I smiled slightly.

"Sir, you tell me this, and yet not once have you asked for my name."

"I know that you go by the name Humbug here," he said, chuckling lightly. "I only assume that you want your name hidden?"

"Most do," I admitted, "but I have nothing to hide."

"May I know it then?"

I shook my head.

"I may one day need to hide it, mightn't I?"

"True, very true. But I must introduce myself, mustn't I?" He bowed low, taking off his top hat that seemed to be a uniform for customers. "I am Sebastian Black, but my dear, you may call me simply Sebastian."

And so, I used that name quite freely. Sebastian spoke for quite a while, refusing to leave me whenever I mentioned he should go. He would simply shake it off by asking me when this customer would arrive. I would go silent, or say 'I don't know', giving him the chance to carry on. Undeniably he was an interesting man. In fact, he seemed to have been to, or at least heard of, the most interesting places- places I could only ever dream of going to. I listened earnestly, and we were left alone while others were busy wandering off to whatever place their customers wished them to go to.

Sebastian was patient enough in waiting, and I could very easily have forgotten what it was he wished for. In fact, I had, but I did not like to admit it to myself. I was quite lost in the man's speech, and found that with each small tale I moved ever so slightly closer to him. He himself seemed to notice, and held himself proudly as we spoke. I did not even notice as his hand was placed around my waist. He stopped speaking all of a sudden, and leant forward until his lips nearly met my ear.

"I don't mean to be rude, my dear, but it is ever so late," he murmured.

"Then you must leave?"

"Actually, I have rented out one of the finest rooms in the facility," he said. "You may know the place simply as the Elephant."

"Zidler allows it to esteemed guests," I replied, slightly breathily. I was caught up in the moment, dazed by Sebastian's lips which hovered over my skin and seemed to dance around, not knowing where to kiss me if he decided to do so at all.

"I must tell you, I am a very esteemed guest."

I swallowed thickly, my thoughts flying around my head.

"Then you wish me to come with you?" I asked quietly, my voice withering away.

"Very much so," he said with a devilish smile. Without another word, his lips met mine forcefully, abandoning all dignity he had sustained while he did not touch me. His arms enveloped me, pulling me towards him as if I were a simple rag doll he had become fond of.

Immediately, we ventured towards the Elephant. Sebastian practically carried me the way, as I was somewhat lost in my footing, while he himself was storming ahead with fervour. I don't remember actually entering the room. All that I remember was all of a sudden being dropped onto a soft surface. I refused to open my eyes, knowing that if I did, the situation would become suddenly clear to me. Sebastian's hands seemed to have a life of their own. One hand fervently unlaced my corset while the other would either cup my breast or delve under my skirt, hooking my leg around his waist. I kissed him back for a while, just as earnestly. That is, until a thought came to my mind. The one question I needed answering.

"Sebastian," I whispered in between the kisses.

"My dear?" he murmured back.

"Do you love me, Sebastian?"

"Of course!" he replied, groaning loudly as his hand found my innocence, causing me to gasp out loud.

"Tell me you love me, Sebastian."

"I love you, my dear," he moaned, still caught in the throws of passion.

"Do you mean it?"

"Every word, my dear, every word." He pulled at my dress until only my thin petticoat was left to protect me. I pressed my palm against his chest, and placed the other hand on his cheek so as to catch his attention.

"Tell me once more, Sebastian, just tell me that you love me."

Sebastian smiled, kissing my lips gently now, with slight dignity left in him.

"I love you," he said firmly, and without any more need for persuasion, murmured it again and again as he took whatever was left of me that made me any more significant than the other girls who worked at the Moulin Rouge.

"_I'm afraid I've already made a deal, Mr Black," Zidler said as a piece of paper was pushed towards him on his desk, revealing quite a large number. "I'm afraid she's not for sale."_

"_There's a price for everyone here," he replied sternly. "I've been a good enough customer here, and_ _I shan't come again if I don't get this."_

"_You don't come to a place like this if you're looking for a virgin," Zidler told him. "I don't know how you're supposed to find them anywhere else, but any stories you've heard about them here-"_

"_Are true, Zidler, we both know they're true."_

"_Fine, I shall admit that the rumours are true. Our little Humbug is a virgin."_

"_Then I shall rest at nothing to have my way, Zidler."_

_Zidler sighed heavily and rose to pace his floor. It was not the first time someone had asked about Christian's Rosanna, but it was the first persistent customer to ask. Everyone else had simply accepted the fact and settled with a more experienced courtesan. More often than not, they could be satisfied, and Zidler was satisfied as long as they came back and paid plenty. He smiled to himself, summoning an idea to his brilliant mind._

"_I have a proposition for you, Mr Black," he said, his moustache twitching as he smiled. "I will take your highest offer, but only to allow you the chance to speak to her. To seduce her. She won't go down without a fight, I assure you. That little secret of hers is all she has here."_

"_And what do you expect after that?"_

"_As I said, seduce her. I will rent you out the Elephant for the night, if it helps. You have one night, and one night only. If she agrees to sleep with you, then I'll ask for double. If not, you had your chance."_

"_And why would I pay double for exactly what I could have had for half the price?"_

"_You seem to be the one who is desperate to sleep with this girl," Zidler said, smiling broadly as he did whenever a transaction was to be made._

_Mr Black looked at Zidler bitterly, and with an incoherent mutter of annoyance, delved his hand into his breast pocket. He threw a wad of paper notes on the desk, which slid until they rested just in front of Zidler, who picked them up and in turn placed them in his pocket._

"_You shan't regret it," he said, still smiling._


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone knew. From the moment I stepped into the dressing room the next morning, everyone knew. They knew I had given up on what I had held above them all, and all who had despised me stuck their noses up, smiling triumphantly. I cared not an ounce. Sebastian had told me he loved me, and I knew he would come back. He was rich enough to take me away from here. If he could afford to rent out the Elephant for the night, of course he could afford to take me away.

He just had to be.

I didn't tell anyone specifically what had happened. They simply guessed. I'm sure they all remembered they themselves having that look on their faces after the first night. They remembered the slightly dazed look, the uncertainty that would keep you awake for days at a time until fatigue knocked you out. They all remembered, but none of them much cared that it happened to me. Peacock looked at me warily for quite a while, uncertain about me slightly. She did not say a thing, but each time I wrung my hands agitatedly, or she saw my eyes go slightly pinker from how tired I was, she was bite her lip and continue quickly, as if distracting herself.

Igloo was much more upfront, and two days on grabbed my shoulder, turning me to face her so she could stare at the signs of my tiredness.

"What on earth's happened to you?" she asked. "You don't look like you've slept in days."

"Leave her be," Urchin hissed, trying to pull the firm hand away from me.

"No, I'm curious. You never usually look this bad."

"Thanks," I muttered, trying to walk away, but Igloo still firmly held my shoulder.

"I don't mean any offence, but it's kind of obvious."

"Igloo," Peacock started firmly. "Just let her go now, she doesn't need this aggravation."

Igloo gritted her teeth, and let go of me, crossing her arms across her breast in anger. It was obvious we had offended her, but I was past caring. My thoughts were only on one thing. It was perhaps the first time I had ever concentrated in my whole life.

"I'm only trying to help," she muttered. "You should have brought it up too."

"It's none of our business," Peacock said. "She can tell you if she wants, but this isn't one of those times."

"Then next time I won't bother with any sort of care!" she retorted, disappearing for at least a few hours. I did not see her again until we got to the dance floor. Peacock had an annoyed expression fixed to her face for the rest of the day, that which I'm sure a mother would have when her children bickered senselessly. It was endearing that she took such care over her small 'family' within this place, but I could not allow myself to thank her. If I did, it would be admitting I belonged there.

She kept an arm around me as we went from the dressing room to the main floor. I barely noticed it, really, as I was still lost in my thoughts. _Will he be here?_ I asked myself, biting my lip until I thought it would bleed. _Will he wait for me?_

I could not in all honesty say I saw him throughout the night. I watched thoroughly, and fancied I saw him several times. My luck was not as great as this, and instead I was plunged into the misfortune that I knew awaited me. Looking back now, I can not understand how foolish I was without knowing it. Not only foolish, but idiotic. I had long been warned.

Sebastian did not appear that night. Nor did he appear the following night. I still swore I could see him everywhere, sauntering by the back walls, or even, God forbid, flirting with another woman. The anxiety overwhelmed me, and I barely knew how to contain it. No one took much notice of me that night, to my utmost delight. It was a shame I could not notice. The music was only a buzz, and the figures around me were only a blur.

I don't believe I slept much during that week. Often one of the girls would wake up if they were given the chance to sleep in the dormitory and would notice I was awake. Some, if disdainful, would simply tut and fall asleep again. If they at all found affection for me, they would attempt to send me to sleep again, more often than not drifting off themselves. All through the nights, I would simply keep my knees below my chin, clutching my legs like a child would when frightened of the dark. I was not petty enough to be frightened of the dark, of course, but I could not say it much helped when waiting. The smallest of sounds made me flinch, made me believe Sebastian was coming for me.

One day of no particular importance, as usually days are whenever events of importance happen, something within Peacock's maternal mind snapped. For some time she had coerced Igloo and Urchin into a vow of silence, to stop them from pestering me, but she herself could not help but be curious. In fact, she was not only curious, but utterly frustrated.

While sitting alone, locked within my own mind, Peacock sat heavily by my side, wrapping an arm around me.

"We have our suspicions, yeh know," she said calmly. "A few girls think family issues, but you and I both know that isn't true."

"What are you getting at?" I snapped, the fatigue in my mind causing a sharp temper.

"Rosie, I warned you about this, did I?" she said, almost moaning in angst. "I told you to be careful."

"I've been very careful, thank you very much."

"I saw you with that man the other night," she told me. "I didn't say anything, you seemed to be holding your ground pretty well."

"And I did so throughout the whole night!"

"Really?"

"Of course," I retorted. "Nothing happened that I didn't want to happen."

"You poor thing," she muttered, pulling me closely towards her.

"Poor thing?" I asked.

"Zidler should have been keeping an eye out for you," she said, almost to herself. "He should have made sure this didn't happen, it was his promise. At least, if there's a next time-"

"Next time?" I asked loudly, my voice rising. "There won't be a next time!"

"What do you mean? This has happened before, it'll happen again."

"No, it won't! Sebastian loves me, he'll be coming for me any day now!"

Peacock shook her head, smoothing my hair as she would a screaming child.

"Rosie, I'm so sorry."

"There's no need for your apologies, he's going to be coming."

"He's not, love, he's not."

"But-"

"Listen to me, Rosie," she said, gripping my shoulders quickly and turning me to face her. "There are men out there just like this Sebastian. Believe me, we all know. Even I know. He's not coming back for you."

"Then I'll wait," I said earnestly. "He's a customer, isn't he? I'll wait until he comes back, I'll find him then!"

"People like that find somewhere else to go. Or his wife's found him out."

I gasped out loud. A wife? I hadn't even thought. A larger amount than not of the men who came to us were married, or at least courting. I felt a tear betray me, but I ignored it as it fell down my cheek.

"You're lying," I whispered. "He's coming for me."

"He isn't, love," she murmured into my ear, embracing me again. "I'm so sorry, but he isn't."


	9. Chapter 9

I don't suppose I was ever the same after that night. Once Peacock had brought light to my eyes, I simply…wandered, rather than actually walked. I hid away again every night, frightened to be seen. I had persuaded myself I should not be seen, lest I find myself in just as much trouble as I did the last time. My dear companions protected me with a small circle of them around my corner, ready to take hold of any man that came by me with that look in his eye.

Zidler still paid me no attention, and still Christian did not come. These facts were usual, but I could not help but be slightly disappointed. After what had happened to me, something that happened to women every day, I could not help but feel…lost. I didn't expect things to change. I was only fortunate that over time, the pain eased. In fact, I began to look upon the ache as simply an event. Only that. Something that had come, passed, and never was to be dawned upon again in my mind for reasons of sanity.

Igloo had long forgiven the rudeness thrust upon her, and became quiet herself about such issues- although in no respects less boisterous than she had been beforehand. A slight calm came upon me as I knew that she was entirely herself again, more so than I can believe I ever was. She became my closest of companions, forever chattering to me, bad mouthing those who looked down upon our small group, and teaching me the small tricks of how to survive such people. She became a big sister to me rather than my friend, and the dearest of those I knew. Of course, I was still grateful to Peacock, who acted as a mother to me, embracing me as we slept in the way one does to keep their child warm. Urchin was a simple friend to me, one who I took comfort in when I felt as if the world tried to deafen me. These three had always been, and continued to be, my closest of friends, and acted as if I were theirs to protect.

To be honest, I cared little if I were. I took comfort in this, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I grew used to the men flirting with me, just assured in knowing someone was always there to distract them. A month passed, and I had even grown to like the attention, just knowing that I did not have to belittle myself by complimenting them back as they handed me money. It was a simple pleasure to be able to do so, but a pleasure nonetheless. Nina, who had long gotten past the joy of knowing I had given in to my last scent of innocence, reverted back to the idea of torturing me with words, believing me to be lesser simply because I refused the business again.

"It's started again, hasn't it?" Igloo said dramatically, collapsing onto a bed in the dormitory one night- the first free night she had had in over a week.

"What?" I asked lightly, not entirely paying attention.

"The taunting, the criticism, such and such."

"Wasn't there always taunting, criticism, such and such already?" Urchin asked.

"Yes, but it paused a little. Then it came back." She sighed theatrically, pointing a finger at me. "Sometimes I wonder why we bother with you."

"Oh, ha ha," I said sarcastically. "You know, that'd probably be funny if I didn't know you were thinking of pulling a similar joke to this one tomorrow."

"How'd you guess?" she asked sweetly, laughing. "Seriously, though, it's starting to piss me off."

"I can't say I like it any better than you do," I told her. "None of us much like it."

"True," Urchin mused. "I could do without the attention."

"Probably because you're odd like that, dear, you don't like attention." Igloo laughed, bemused how anyone could not like attention. It was probably one of the only things I agreed on with Urchin that I didn't with anyone else. We laughed over the conversation for a short while before we were joined in an untimely fashion by Peacock, at which point Igloo could not help but pout.

"You've taken your time," she said, her voice full of the humoristic anger that always told someone she was joking. "What took you so long?"

"Zidler wanted to speak to me," she replied bluntly.

"You're not in trouble, are you?" I asked fearfully.

"No, no, of course not. He just wanted me to ask you to see him for a moment." I could not help but swallow thickly at the statement. Peacock seemed nonchalant until she looked into my eyes, at which point she laughed lightly. "Don't be silly, you're not the one in trouble. He just wanted to ask you something, I don't know what it was about."

Smiling with slight relief, I stood up, making my way out of the dormitory accompanied by Igloo's 'oooh' of mock laughter. I poked my tongue out at her before I got out the door, taking delight in the small amount of revenge. I could not help but try and distract myself from whatever business Zidler might have with me. I could practically count out all of the things he might have been able to say. I did not bring in business. I gave customers the wrong impression far too many times. I gave my customers to other people, therefore utterly breaking any rotor that was sorted between courtesan and gentleman. To name a few. I shuddered, thinking of what lie ahead of me with a dizzy mind.

Arriving sooner than I thought at Zidler's office, I was forced to shake my head to empty these thoughts from my mind. I was decided that they would not help me in this case, and I would do better without them. I knocked upon the door slowly, not entirely sure. It was only moments afterwards that the door was opened by the same wide face, a smile to match, that cried out fake glee.

"Ah, my little Humbug!" he chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and forcefully thrusting me into his office in a way that either could have been anger or exaggerated happiness. "Didn't think you'd end up coming, really, our young Peacock didn't seem too happy."

I didn't reply, a little taken aback by his fast pace.

"You might want to know why I've asked you here, mightn't you?"

"My living arrangements?" I asked sullenly, causing him to laugh.

"Humbug, I made a promise that you would remain here as long as you needed."

"You made many promises, I'm sure, but Christian told me not to put it past you."

"Then of course I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't keep you on your toes," he chuckled, his moustache twitching at his terrible attempt at humour.

"Might I ask what you wished to speak to me about?"

"Ah, yes, I did have a little query to put beside you, my little Humbug." I shuddered, still not quite sure whether I'd ever get used to the name. "Sit, dear, sit."

He guided me to a seat just in front of his desk, his face red with a slight excitement.

"Now, I'm sure we all know about this little business over your little secret, don't we?"

"I don't know what you mean, sir," I said firmly, holding what little pride I had left. However, he was determined to diminish it.

"To put it mildly, my dear, your little innocence."

"You needn't be so patronizing, sir," I said tiredly. "And you have no doubt heard any rumours, I do not need you to jest me."

"Then I will press on," he said, still smiling in a way that disconcerted me.

"What is it you wished to speak to me about?" I persisted.

"Yes, yes, of course. Well, I thought to myself only last night of our dear Christian-"

"Neither of ours," I reminded him.

"Our dear Christian," he repeated, as if putting the message across, "and I thought of our lost Sparkling Diamond."

"Satine?" I was ever so slightly disturbed by the calm way he nodded, assuring that he had known her. I had expected much more sincerity over the subject, rather than the curious normality over it.

"I do wonder still why business has become sparse," he continued. "I have many theories. Maybe my diamonds are just not as young as they used to be."

"Youth had never been a factor in this," I muttered.

"Pardon?"

"The girls don't have to be young. That's not why customers come here."

"You have your own theory?" he asked with a smile.

"No theory. Evidential proof. They only come so as to not be with a partner." His moustache twitched again, and he said nothing more of the idea.

"As I said, I do wonder why we haven't been making as much as we should. And thinking of Satine…well, I could not help but wonder how her position helped us."

"Very little, I assume."

"Do you think so? I, on the other hand, believe there to be much more to the job than anyone had been led to believe. She attracted men, you know. People had heard of her from different members of our gathering and came just to see her."

"I'd heard she was very beautiful."

"Only if you wish to put it lightly."

"Might I ask why you wish to tell me this, sir?"

"The thing is, business was much better in those days. More money, more customers, and it got me thinking. I'm sure Satine would have liked to chosen her own successor, but due to circumstances-"

"Successor?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "Christian held a promise that you would not make me-"

"Sell yourself? I never said you would. The only thing I would dream of asking you to do is smile and look pretty. Dance a little."

"I don't dance," I said bluntly.

"If you take the position you will."

"Then I won't take the position."

"Do you have any idea how this may help you?" he asked, his tone showing his determination. "We will all be watching you. Think of it as a public body guard service. By yourself, no one can be certain where you are."

"You won't persuade me, sir."

"I don't plan to persuade you any more than I already have. All I will say is do think about it. I'm certain enough you'll change your mind."

"What makes you think I would?"

"A certainty is simply a certainty, I can not explain, my dear. Just come back to my office when you decide."

With my thoughts screaming at me to simply shout at Zidler for his idiocy, I turned sharply from the room. There was little point in arguing. With the idea of a bodyguard in my mind, I could not help but understand what he meant about my decisions.


	10. Chapter 10

_Just a note to say I'm not going to be doing this story any more. To anyone who reads this story, I'm sorry, I'll return to it possibly in the future. Maybe update it once every two months if I feel like it. But right now, it's not really my favourite out of all the fanfictions I'm doing and I don't know really how to get it to the place I want it to be. And to be honest, it doesn't look like anyone's really reading it. So in future I may return to it, but don't be surprised if I don't._

_MrsMargeryLovett xxx_


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